Today, I am exactly 40 weeks pregnant. The biggest lie told to pregnant women is that pregnancy is 9 months. False. It's 10. 10 long, sober, sushi-less, sometimes uncomfortable, months. I cannot wait for this baby to be out so that I can enjoy a glass of red and a giant plate of sushi, but at this point, I think I will be pregnant forever. I'm sure every pregnant woman says that, but after 10 months, it definitely feels that way. However, pregnancy isn't all terrible, it has provided ample fodder for some pretty laughable comments from my beloved husband.
Call it a Freudian slip, lapse in judgement, or, my personal favorite, word vomit. It can happen to anyone. Over the last 10 months, Aaron has said some fantastically delightful things to me as a result of my pregnancy. Most of the time, he will say something ridiculous, realize what just came out of his mouth, apologize, and walk away, all while I sit there chuckling. I've kept a running list on my phone of all the craziest things that have slipped out and now, I want to share them with you.
Disclosure: I love my husband, and I know he loves me, so don't let this color your opinion of him. He's been pretty awesome throughout the whole pregnancy - giving in to my cravings, getting me another glass of water, painting my toenails when I could no longer reach them - so, really, I can't complain.
1. ''You look funny.''
Said to me just as I was starting to pop and get a belly. Gee, thanks, dear. As if my pants no longer fitting isn't awkward enough.
2. ''Your only a vessel right now. As long as the baby's ok, who cares?''
3. ''Your belly's HUGE!''
Apparently my belly grew exponentially while he was away on a business trip.
4. ''You're not fat, you're just huge.''
Umm, thanks? Not sure how that was supposed to make me feel better?
5. ''You're bigger than me, so you get the middle brownie.''
He told me, he meant to say, ''You're more pregnant than me.'' Not sure which is better. But, I got the middle brownie, so score one for me!
6. ''You're in permanent cow, aren't you? Mooo!''
I was trying to stretch my back by doing some cat and cow yoga poses. So yea.....thanks for reminding me that I not only feel like a cow, but actually look like one too.
7. ''Look at you, all big and pregnant.''
As if my growing belly wasn't an uncomfortable reminder enough.....
8. ''That's not what he meant, he just meant that you're huge''
Not quite sure how this is better than, ''Holy cow!'' I actually did laugh out loud at this one because the second the last word came out of his mouth, he realized what he had just said, shook his head, and walked away.
9. "Du hast ein Schwangerbauch, dass ist gross und dick."
Translated, "You have a pregnant belly that is big and thick." He was trying to practice his German, so I will give him that, but still.....
10. "You're so GIANT!"
Said to me, late in my third trimester, as I was getting dressed for work, realizing that even my maternity clothes were starting to get a little small.
And one more bonus one that has accidentally escaped his lips more than a few times as I neared my due date:
"Of course, dear, whatever you want, since you're all big and pregnant." Yup, not even sure how to respond to that one.....
Despite how these comments may sound, Aaron really has been pretty fantastic during this whole pregnancy. I couldn't ask for a more loving, supportive, and caring person to have by my side through all of this. I sometimes think he is more anxious for this baby to get here than I am! Which I hope is soon, cause this pregnant lady is done with the swollen ankles, slow waddle, and the ever increasing effort it takes to climb the 3 flights of stairs to our apartment. So wish us luck that in the next few days that Baby Oaks decides to make his or her appearance!